| Jul. 8th, 2005 @ 10:48 pm (no subject) |
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Current Mood:  drained
Current Music: The used- In love and Death
So i was having one of those deep thought sessions where you just kinda sit and think today. I was having a good time before it, but it all started cuz luke called scott p and scott asked him what he was doing. He said he was hanging out with Kellie. I didnt really mind that part its the next part that got me thinking. Then scott said "AGAIN! atta boy" and i just thought 'wow' sometimes i think people are just blind to see what is actually happening. "getting action" or "gettin some" can do that to people, i've noticed, it makes everything else invisible to them... and i'm not saying that it doesnt happen to me, because honestly if a hot girl came on to me and i didnt even know her, i wouldnt stop. But i guess thats something that goes away with maturity, cuz you can't 'fall in love' unless you take it slow... To take it slow come with patience, which im pretty sure all of us (including me) dont have. So since were to young to 'fall in love' then what are we doing? Are we 'going out' with people to maybe get some action out of it, to help build or reputation, or are we actually doing this to fall in love? It's a question i've asked myself to many times and since my longest relationship, if you can call them that, lasted 3 months i dont think thats what i was in it for. So basicly im gonna challenge myself... I'm not going to go out with the first girl that 'likes' me, im going to try to find a girl i can 'fall in love with' a girl i can call my 'high school sweetheart' in 10 years, and maybe a girl i can (do i dare to say it) get married to...
So anyways im gonna ramble on just a little more and see what i can think of. I also started thinking about the phrase 'the truth hurts'. This is so true, i didnt think about it until now but it is such a true statement. example: every time i hear kellie is hanging out with luke, or everytime she doesnt call me back, it hurts... it hurts like a bitch. But truth is, as hard as it is to say, its over. It was just a summer fling, nothing else. All i was to her was a summer fling... its the truth and it hurts (see what im getting at?) But another statement that is not as popular but very true is that its hard to get over. Everything that means something to you that you lose is hard to get over. God damn things are hard to get over... but its part of life and nobody said it was easy, why do you think that EMO music was ever made? I guess i cant think of any good lines to back up why its so hard to get over things because i guess it just is... i wish i was one of those people that could just shrug it right off their shoulder. But i guess i care about things more then they do, thats why i cant get over things. Any one who can shrug something off their shoulder doesnt care enough about it i guess. And i'll i can come up with for that is that you have to take a risk to find happyness. Sometimes when you take that risk and put your heart out their on the line it gets 'broken'. But its the risk you take for 'love'... If your scared to take that risk you will never find it and i know people like this, i hope to god someday they find someone that makes them risk their heart and fall in love.
K while im on a roll here im just gonna keep going on deep topics that i think i should let my thoughts out about. This is the last thing tho because if i make this too long who will read it? In fact, if ur still reading this im suprised. But my last topic is how much people have changed... I was looking back at childhood pictures the other day and i almost threw the picture against the wall because i was so pissed to see how many people are throwing there lives away. I look at these pictures and i wish to god that i could go back and just live in those days... No drama, Girls had cooties, NO DRINKING OR DRUGS, and just hanging out playing capture the flag or something. Why cant we still do that? to have fun now we have to drink or smoke or do stupid shit to get people in accidents? god damnit... Why can't we go back? go back and get dressed in all black and play capture the flag, or go to our friends house and play the new game that just came out, or fucking go play football at the park. I guess its all a maturity thing....
So to end this super long entry that probably isnt making sense to you right now, but helping me out a lot. I want to say how i feel cuz i guess thats what ur supposed to write about in this. I really believe that in the end all you have is yourself. You come into this world alone, and believe it or not your gonna die alone. Im not talking about dieing without having a husband or wife but just dieing, it will be just you that dies... You're not gonna grab your best friend and say your gonna die, and get buried and go to wherever the hell we go after we die with me... It doesnt happen that way. And in knowing this, in the end your the only person you can trust. You might say it but you can't 100% trust someone, you'll have your doubts. So i guess what i'm trying to see is never leave yourself ( i guess that could mean never change yourself, the way you are), because you are the only person that you have.....
This is some deep shit.... |
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upperdeck25's journal
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